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How to face an ex

Posted by Felicia on 11:45 AM
Lately it seems that the universe has been trying to tell me something; I just don't know what exactly. In the last month I have run into three,count them, three ex boyfriends in and around town or in one case my house. In each case I was unprepared (who is really?) and thrown off guard. I have therefore compiled a list of things that you absolutely must do when you run into an ex.
1. Always look your best.
By this I mean be sure you haven't brushed your hair or wiped the remnants of last night's eye makeup off your face because you were busy watching Sex & The City re-runs reading War & Peace while waxing poetic about the state of violence in our world these days and so you accidentally fell asleep on the couch in your clothes again and when you woke up you realized you had no milk or detergent so you put on your fabulous figure flattering sweatpants and ratty t-shirt, after all it's too early on a Sunday and no one will be out, check yourself out in a mirror deeming said eye make-up from night before as "sexy bedroom eyes" and decide that your 16 hour long wear lipstick could totally go 24 hours and then head out the door.
2. Act nonchalant.
By this I mean get nervous because you just realized what you looked like when you saw that he noticed you and then get jittery and start dropping your groceries all over the floor including your last minute purchase of tampons because you didn't think you needed a cart as you you were just going in for milk and detergent, and you can totally juggle all of that with two hands because you are the epitome of grace and refinement.
3. Speak eloquently and don't fidget.
By this I mean start blabbering when he walks up to you and asks you how things are going because you are embarrassed and caught off-guard and start telling him all of the wonderful and fabulous things you are doing to keep yourself busy in life while trying in vain to wipe your eyes of flaking eye makeup and laugh self-deprecatingly at yourself because after all...you are fabulous!
4. Conduct yourself with dignity and grace.
By this I mean excuse yourself and wish him hell well and try like hell not to pick that wedgie out of your ass while he is watching you walk away. And why wouldn't he? You're fabulous! Right? Right?! Gah...

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5 Comments


ahahahahaaaa!

(sorry but this post made me laugh!)

... But we've ALL been there. And if he's smart, he walked away missing what a real woman is like!


Bwahahahahaha. Definitely one of my favs of yours! That was great! Fortunately all of my exes live in Texas. Wait, no, that's not true. They just don't live in Arizona. Except for baby daddy, and well, yeah, I don't care how I look in front of him. Afterall, I'm quite sure he saw me poop during the delivery of our child.


ha ha... yes, you are fabulous and have no need to worry what those men think of you. love the guidelines, by the way.


excellent advice.
I usually just smile like an idiot the whole time and giggle at everything he says.
Totally pisses him off. Which I love.

But you're nicer than me....


Y'all...that's just one of those moments where you wish you could go back and have a do-over, like in handball! Sadly no...but I caught a glimpse of his girlfriend...Woof. Ok..that was mean, but honest. Honesty counts for something huh? lol

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