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I feel just like a criminal

Posted by Felicia on 7:31 AM
What I need is a good defense
cause Im feelin like a criminal.
-Fiona Apple

Will the embarrassment never end? Am I forever doomed to create humiliating moments in my life of my own volition??
I committed a criminal act last night. I am not proud. I shall explain.

I was on my way home from work last night and I noticed that my car was running on fumes because I am a procrastinator of the highest order. I pull into a station I have never been to before and as I do so I get a phone call. I answer it and start talking while I pull out my credit card and get out of the car. I swipe my card and continue talking as I open the gas tank. The machine starts beeping at me and I vaguely register that the thing says PAY AFTER FUELING. Whatever. I pump the gas and keep talking and when I'm done I close everything up and jump in my car and leave. I am almost home but I feel like something is not right when I suddenly realize- I swiped my card but it said PAY AFTER FUELING. HOLY SHIT I FORGOT TO PAY FOR THE GAS! I turn the car around to head back to the store swearing under my breath about the pump and pay places and how they should seriously stop that while beginning to sweat bullets and look over my shoulder for the cops that have an APB out for my arrest because OMG I just DROVE OFF WITHOUT PAYING FOR GAS.
I get to the gas station and walk in and start babbling a mile a minute about how-I think I drove off without paying and I'm so sorry but I swiped my card and I was talking at the same time and I just totally blanked and I'm so sorry and please don't arrest me it was an innocent mistake and please remove any APB's for my arrest if you have done that and please don't be mad....I'm sooooooooo sorry and thoroughly embarrassed. The guy said "Were you in a red Toyota?" I say, "Honda, and yes that was me, but I'm here to pay because I'm not a criminal! He was cool about it and took my credit card, thanked me for coming back because as he put it "No one usually comes back." I apologized again and vowed never to talk and pump gas at the same time and to never show my face at that gas station again.
I am such a dweeb. I am not a criminal,intentionally anyway. Besides, I don't look good in orange.

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8 Comments


I feel like a criminal at least once a week when I forget the milk under the stroller at the store and a girl will come up and say nicely, "you forgot the milk," while pointing. Ack. YES! I forgot the milk again...seriously, why would I steal milk? If I were to try and steal something it'd be a prime rib or t-bone steak, you know? Sigh. SO. NOT. ALONE.


Ha ha! Next up on Lifetime, Felicia LaFrance in: Caged Heat 2: The Wrath of Exxon!

Don't feel too bad, friend. I accidently stole batteries from Babies 'R Us once. They were under the giant activity center in my cart. I went back in and blamed it on sleep deprivation.


giggle giggle snort. you are such a person of intergrity....what an example to your son. i applaud you!


They still have those around? When visiting NZ, I have to remind myself to pay, they also have fuel and pay after.


Oh, that is awesome! Way to go for being honest - or paranoid - or both! :)
Glad you weren't arrested! Ha!


Sounds like something I would do. I have such a guilty conscience that there is no way that I would have been able to live with myself without going back either.

Glad they were nice about it.


That was very good of you to go back! I would have, too. ;)


hahah...that's awesome. i would have gone back too. i didn't think they had any of those pumps around anymore.

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