6

Singing the insurance blues

Posted by Felicia on 12:17 PM in
My job as an insurance agent, while oh so exciting(read:NOT), is filled with the occassional stressful moments and exclamations of "oh shit!". They are also filled with moments of "Oh hell to the no he/she didn't just say that!"
Case in point: Customers sometimes call in and expect us to do miracles with insurance. I just love the ones that tell me they just had an accident and need me to "backdate" a policy. Ummmm...how 'bout noooo? Fraud anyone? My job may not be exciting, but I'm kind of used to the whole getting a paycheck thing to do things like have a roof overhead and eat. I know. I'm so selfish.
Today was no different. A woman calls in and asks me to fax over proof of insurance to the DMV for her parents to show that they were insured on a specific date. Ok, no problem except that they were not insured with us on the date she mentioned. I informed her and she hung up the phone. She called again and asked me to fax current proof of insurance and says, "Can you fax that over there in like 2 seconds? Can you do it in 2 seconds?" Really? Really?? You must be joking with me. You'd have to be joking with me otherwise I would have to come through this phone and throttle you. Now where the heck did I put my magic wand? My gawd. Have we really gotten so completely impatient that we require people to defy the laws of physics? Puhleeze. I will fax that over in the amount of time it takes me to access the policy and to get to the various information in order to fax that over. It takes me 2 seconds to blink sometimes on a tiring day. I'm filing you under A for ass.
* I love my job I love my job I love my job I love my job*
Rant over

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6

Memory Lane

Posted by Felicia on 8:40 AM
Over the past few months I have been digging into my past a lot. I suppose it may have something to do with the fact that last year marked 15 years since high school ended. Yikes people. Since that time things have changed drastically, some good, some bad. Life happens. I am feeling a bit reflective and wanted to know how LIFE has been for old friends. As such, I began googling names. Did I mention I love Google? Because I do.
I may have mentioned a middle school crush of mine here once and how I still felt slightly jilted in that "my poor 15 yr. old heart is crushed" kinda way. I won't tell you his name, but it starts with Matt Neznanski.I hope he forgives me for writing this. He was blonde, wore glasses, and hung out in the computer lab at lunch. He wasn't geeky in the classic sense, just cerebral. I love cerebral. I fell. I would sit near him on the bus and engage him in conversation and hang out in the classroom outside of the computer lab on the off-chance that he would notice my devotion and ask me to marry him. Uh yeah. At 15. Genius idea. Alas, he was not aware of my devotion and 15 yr. old love for him. I'm not even sure he was aware that girls even existed back then. I googled him and found him.
I figured that with a unique last name I might have some luck. I found a link and clicked on it only to find a reporter's blog with a picture of a blonde guy with glasses and a cute, scruffy beard. It had to be him, just 19 years older and still adorable. I found an e-mail and wrote him. " If you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain..." Ok,I didn't write that. I casually and non-stalkingly asked if he was the same person who went to Dodson Junior High School from 1986-1989(Shut up,it's not THAT old)because if so, then HI! How are you? The next day, much to my surprise and delight he replied with "Yes, I remember you. How are YOU?" I died a little. My middle school crush acknowledged that he remembered me. 19 years later. *sigh* I wrote back and confessed to him of my like for him and that I had a picture of him that I had taken after a field trip. I sent it to him and we have since written each other a couple of times. He is happily married(darn it)and doing what he loves. How could you ask for better? All I can say is that it was just really cool to catch up, and to find out what happened to my childhood crush. My soul can rest easy now. It's all good.
Life is funny. You may not get what you want, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It just is, and you deal with it and maybe get something better out of it. Or you may get some closure. In any case, you get to see how everything is and how grateful you are that people have touched your life in different ways. It's amazing, it's real,and occassionally bittersweet. Life is short. I want to take opportunities to tell people how they have affected my life because I may never get another chance, and isn't it nice to know that maybe, just maybe, you might have been special to them too.
So Matt, if you should happen to stumble across my blog, please know that you will forever be a sweet and special part of my childhood memories. Thank you.

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3

Tag! You're it!

Posted by Felicia on 11:44 AM
I've Been Tagged...
One Crazy Adventure tagged me with a meme.

THE RULES:
1. Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post THE RULES on your blog.
3. Post 7 weird or random facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag 7 people and link to them.
5. Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

Wierd things huh? Hmmm...where do I start?

1. I cannot stand the sound of liquid being poured into a glass. Hate it. It is like nails on a chalkboard sound to me. I have no idea where it came from.

2. I won't eat bananas by themselves. It's the texture that gets to me. I don't even care for the taste in juices and yogurts. The only banana tasting things I like are banana bread, and wierdly enough, banana popsicles.

3. Between my birthdate and social security number I can count six 7's.

4. This may happen to everyone, but as of yet I have not asked if it does or not. I will think about a movie I have not seen in awhile, something obscure or something that literally has not been on in forever, and within a week or two it will be on TV. I don't look at TV guides or any guides for that matter. Freaky.

5. I cannot sing " I Love Rock & Roll" by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts without associating it with a school bus. I was in the 1st grade on a bus when I first heard it and all the 6th graders were singing it. I guess that was back when bus drivers were cooler and actually turned ON the radio.

6. I was stabbed in the leg in the first grade during recess by another boy. It went right through my a small portion of my thigh and out another end and ruined my favorite Strawberry Shortcake pants.

7. I still love the smell of Revlon Flex shampoo, but I can't find it anymore. Balsam Fragrance is awesome!

I don't want to make anyone feel obligated to do this so I will tag with no strings attached.
Stacey
Nanette
Rachel
Sarah
Natalie

Thanks for reading! I will post next about getting in touch with my middle school crush.

and then there is this. My kitty Daisy.

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9

File under: Geek

Posted by Felicia on 10:52 AM
Thank you for all the kind words about my cupcakes. Y'all are sweet and I so wish I could send y'all some if I could manage to ship them without ruining them. If you ever happen to come to North Alabama then we can definitely make it happen!

The title of this blog will become clear when you see these pics.

Goonies Collector glasses from 1985. Oh but yes! Ebay. I'm officially a geek. I love them though.





I bid on and won 2 more with a different design. They originally were promoted by Godfather's Pizza who got a shout out in the movie and these were available with the purchase of a pizza. I didn't grow up near a Godfather's pizza so I was not privy to these awesome glasses because I so would have had all of them. I know, I know...I'm living in the past...blah, blah, blah. So what? I L.O.V.E. the Goonies and will forever. Sloth love Chunk! Rockyyyyy Road?

Happy Valentine's Day! I have a hot date with 2 guys. Ben & Jerry.

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10

Cupcake Time

Posted by Felicia on 8:39 AM in
Cupcake time again!
These are todays selections:
Chocolate Covered Strawberry- a strawberry cupcake with bits of real strawberry baked in and some strawberry extract for extra ooomph covered in a fudgy chocolate frosting. Rich and Decadent!






Key Lime Pie- A white cupcake with key lime juice and bits of lime zest topped with a light key lime custardy whipped topping with bits of lime zest with the edges dipped in graham cracker crumbs. Light,slightly tart and citrusy, just like the pie. Yum!






I had them taste tested by 2 dozen people. The verdict? Excellent so far.
I need to get my butt in gear and get a business loan. Alabama is screaming for gourmet cupcakes! I am screaming to be my own boss. lol

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4

The Little Pimp Who Could

Posted by Felicia on 1:38 PM
The people that come into our office never cease to amaze me. I am fascinated by the lives they lead and wonder how different or how similar our lives really are. Most of our clients don't come into our office, preferring to pay their insurance premiums online and only calling us when they need to make changes. There are however, some clients who still come by the office to pay because they either do not have a checking account or they just flat out refuse to "surrender to the man!" These people are a loyal, ragtag, bizarre bunch. One of them just left my office. I call him Mr.B aka The Pimp.
Mr. B is 72 years old. He wears matching track suits and when he walks in the glare of his jewelry blinds me. The man wears jewelry like Mr. T. I pity the fool who don't wear no gold medallions! He drives a Red Ford F250 with custom chrome trim, spinners on the wheel and a license plate frame that says Hoochie Mama & His Toys. Wow.It makes me laugh and cringe all at the same time. Every month he pays a huge amount of cash on his multiple policies because he has 7 cars. While he is doing this the woman that accompanies him(approx. age mid-30s)sucks away on a blow-pop and plays with her hair and pulls down her very short skirt. Ok then.
Mr. B is always very nice, and I tease him constantly greeting him with, "Hey Mr. B. Did you come to pay my insurance?" He always laughs and takes out his wallet to count out the hundreds of dollars he pays each month. I never have the guts to ask him what he does, or did because he is retired now from whatever it was that he did that I don't know about. That was a mouthful. I hate not knowing. When he is finished paying he stands and walks slowly(he's 72 for goodness sakes)back to his car and says, " Come on baby." to his female companion. I say goodbye and he replies, " Be good...or good at it!" Characters I tell ya. At least they add a little color into my otherwise non-exciting day.

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8

I should never have encouraged him to speak!

Posted by Felicia on 1:01 PM in
I have to apologize, in advance, to the world, for what may be unleashed upon it in the next 10 years. I am sorry everyone. Here's why...

Last night I dropped a friend off at her parent's house so she could use their car while her's was in the shop. No sooner had we dropped them off and pulled out of the driveway when darling boy said he needed to use the bathroom, really bad Mom! I told him to hold it as best he could because we would be home in like 3 minutes. Not 2 seconds later I felt the urge to go.

" Mom? Do you have to go to the bathroom?"

" Yes. Why? "

" You're bouncing."

" Oh. Well. Yeah. I guess I am. It helps a little bit."

" Don't think about water."

" Colin!"

" Water, water, water, water, water!" he says in a singsong voice.

"Stooooooopppp!" Totally feeling it stronger now.

"Creek! Stream! River!"

" Colin! Stop! hahahaha. Booger."

" Lake! Pool! Jacuzzi!" he says getting more hysterical by the second.

" lalalalalalalalalal...can't hear you....lalalalalala"

" A Dam! Ocean! Puddle!"

" Puddle? How do you go from an ocean to a puddle?" I say laughing and bouncing.

" I don't know." he says snorting and laughing. The car gets quiet again.

"This moment is brought to you by the letter P."

" What?!?!" I laugh hysterically trying to keep the car on the road and keep from peeing my pants.

" I am Cookie Monster. I like to eat P. It taste like cookie. Nom nom nom nom."

" Stop!!!! I'm going to pee my pants!" I scream laughing.

" Are you going to run in the house?"

" Yes. Leave me alone. You're out of my will."

" I didn't want your couches anyway Mom."

Oh lawdy. I'm sorry people. I fear for the future.

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4

Random conversations

Posted by Felicia on 11:20 AM
These are recent conversations I've had that have stuck in my mind because they still make me laugh.

*At the office*

Joe(my boss): I'm sorry if I've been awful today. Don't quit on me.
Me: You haven't been awful and I'm not quitting.
Joe: Would you tell me if I'm being awful?
Me: Yep!
Joe: (laughs) I'm glad I hired you.
Me: I know.


*Home-my son's bedtime*

The boy: You know Mom? You're beautiful and I still think you're young.
Me: Thank you sweetie.
The boy: 30 is the new 20!
Me: What do you want and how much is it going to cost me?

* A call on the way home*
Kevin(a friend): Whatcha doin?
Me: Drivin home. You?
Kevin: Not much. You busy tonight?
Me: No. Why?
Kevin: I wanted to know if I could come over and inspect your crotchal region.
Me: Are you referring to oral sex in a not so sexy way?
Kevin:(laughs) Yeah! And you could inspect my panoose.
Me: Kevin, no one will ever have sex with you if you keep calling it that.

*In the car*

The boy: Mom, Did you want a boy?
Me: I sure did! I prayed to have a little boy and here you are.
The boy: Were you excited?
Me: Yep...until they told me you had cooties, being a boy and all, and they said they would have to decootify you before I could take you home.
The boy: Mooooommmm...
Me: No really! It was a process. They had to bathe you and scrub you with some decootifying soap and then they smeared stuff on you to release the cootie toxins and then said some Hail Marys and told me to chant over you at every diaper change. However, it does require maintenance and you might still have some even now because cooties just tend to stay with boys. They are hard to get rid of. Ask the girls in your class.
The boy: Mom, you're weird.
Me: It's hereditary and you're welcome.

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5

Matt Damon is my hero!

Posted by Felicia on 11:09 AM
Here is another reason to LOVE Matt Damon. I RED puffy heart him soooo much. Sarah Silverman, however crass, is actually pretty funny. For your enjoyment....(Fast forward to the first minute;that's when the fun part happens.)


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