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Drowning

Posted by Felicia on 8:14 AM in
The last few weeks have been a personal hell. Allow me to explain.

If you have read this blog for awhile you might know that my son Colin has Attention Deficit Disorder-Inattentive type, not hyperactive. He was diagnosed last October and started on medication. At that time his grades were failing and his teachers intervened and made we aware and this led to his subsequent diagnosis of ADD. They arranged what is called B.B.S.S.T which is where the teachers and counselors get together and discuss his strengths and weaknesses and what they can do to help him succeed by offering help to him. It worked. His grades shot up and the medication was helping him focus.Everything seemed much better.
Over the past 2 months I noticed his grades dropping again and also his general mood had changed at home. He was moodier, angrier, sadder, worried, and anxious. Put simply, he was not the same kid. I started getting notes home about absent homework and classwork unfinished. I quizzed my son only to find out that he was not getting the help in the classroom like he was before. I sent numerous e-mails to his teachers asking that he continue to get "extra" help as he had not quite gotten to the point where he could do it himself. All I got were replies that said he was getting a zero grade for missing work because of their "no late work accepted" policy. Really? In the 4th grade??!? Colin was getting worse with every passing week. His asst. principal called him into her office and told him if he didn't "shape-up" he would fail 4th grade. I was not aware of this meeting and all it did was add to his anxiety. I was furious. His doctor was informed and his medication tweaked. Meanwhile I tried to figure all of this out. I called the school and spoke with the counselor who informed me that they had taken him off of the B.B.S.S.T. team because he was doing better and din't think he needed it.She admitted that they should not have done that. I was not pleased nor was I informed because if I had been I would have flatly refused. Just because he is on medication does not mean he is cured. All of it together should work as support for one another to help him succeed. They took away the help he needed and as a result he is failing. I think the school failed him. I liken it to removing his life preserver in rough waters where he is still learning to dog paddle.
I am so upset. I am tired of watching my child fall into a depression. I am tired of hearing him say he hates school. I am tired of holding him while he sobs because he "just can't do it". Don't get me wrong. I am there for him, but I am tired of school being the cause of all of this. As a result he is now temporarily on anti-depressants to get him over this hurdle. It was with a heavy heart that I finally submitted to that.
As for me, I can't sleep. I find the easiest tasks tiring and some things have taken a back seat because its all I can do to drag myself out of bed to make it to work. I feel like I am drowning. I need peace, and sleep, and for my son to be ok. My mind races with the possibilities of where his despondency might take him. It is scary and upsetting. All the while I put on a smile for my child and stay strong for him because he needs me, but all I really want to do is hug my pillow and cry in a heap of blankets.

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9 Comments


I am SO sorry to hear all that. My brother was diagnosed with the same type of ADD when he was 3. It is a rough rough world. Schools are very unsupportive and it will vary school year to school year. My brother is now 17 and has been home schooled for the last 2 years, because my mom just got sick of watching the school system fail to support him.

I would like to say that perhaps some of his change in behavior (anxiety/depression) may not all be situational. Thay, along with OCD tendencies, are very common side effects of ADD medications. Perhaps he should try a different one? I obviously am not a doctor but I thought I'd throw it out there. When my brother was finally self aware enough (around 13) he decided to go off medication. It made school harder but he said he felt SO much better off meds.

Sorry, I know I wrote a novel but I just thought you might like to hear another perspective. Good luck with him. Continue to fight for your son, and some years he'll have teachers that get him, and things will get better. Also, in CA I know that they are required to give students with ADD more time on assignments, so there should be something similar in his Spec. Ed plan, no?


Oh, Felicia ... I'm so sorry. He's far too young to feel so overwhelmed. Since the councilor admitted he shouldn't have been taken off the B.B.S.S.T. team, did they put him into the program? If not, is there any way you can demand that they do?

Hopefully the school year is nearly over, and he can shake it off over summer break and return to a new classroom in the fall.

I'll be thinking about you guys.


I am so sorry the two of you are going through this. It's just so awful to see your kid suffering and feel helpless about it.

he's going to get through it though and so are you. You are an amazing and terrific mom. You inspire me, you truly do. You've raised such a wonderful boy and I hope I am a safe and comforting spot for my kiddo to land like you are for your son.

It sucks that you aren't getting more support, but you're a fighter and it will get better.

Lots of love and many hugs


I am so sorry you're going through all of this, Felicia. I know that you are a great mom and this must be such a heartache for you. Keep up your strength and continue to do your great work!

You're in my thoughts.


oh man, felicia, i am so sorry. like stacey said, your son is too young to have to feel like that. can you get him back in the program? is there any where else where he can get help (like sylvan learning center or some place like that)? i'll be thinking about you.


Oh that stinks. It's hard enough to raise kids and then add everything else on top of it...

He sounds like a great kid and you are a great mom. Hopefully everything will come back into balance sooner rather than later.

Thinking about you guys and wishing that I could offer more than words.

Hang in there!


I'm so sorry all this is going on, my friend. Colin is such an amazing kid and you've done an awesome job with him; like the others have said, maybe the upcoming summer will give things a chance to balance back out.
You know I'm totally here for you, and that I love you and always have a shoulder for you to cry on. You'll get through this.


I feel so bad for both of you - you are going through some very difficult stuff. Hugs to you and Colin both.


A well-written post. Agree with you. You can learn more on how to cure attention deficit disorder at www.attention-deficit-disorder.net. It may take quite some time to cure, but it's definitely a good try.

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