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Happy 10th Birthday Colin!

Posted by Felicia on 9:07 AM in
Happy 10th Birthday Baby! I know, I know! You are NOT a baby in the literal sense, but you will always be MY baby.
I can't believe you are a whole decade old. Ten years ago you came into my life and turned my world upside down, but upside down is a good place to be.
You were born at 6:30 AM on a Wednesday. Wordless Wednesday. There were no words that could have adequately expressed my joy and fear that I was your mom. It was the most beautiful feeling ever.
How you finally came into this world speaks volumes of the person you are. I have to come to understand that over these past years, especially this last one. You were a week overdue and nowhere ready to leave anytime soon so I had you evicted. *You try lugging around a kid for 9+ months and see what you do. haha* After 15+ hours of labor you were still not ready so you were delivered into this world by c-section on the morning of June 10. Believe me when I say you had a cush ride; Probably the reason you didn't want to leave. Ever since then it has been a struggle for me to finally realize that if ever there was a motto of your life it would be this, Colin:In His Own Time.
Sweetie, this past year was a rough one for both of us. Most parents figure that by the time their kids are past the age of 2 that things will be rainbows and sunshine, but they are not. This is not a criticism in any way shape or form, merely observations from my point of view. You have changed so much and I was beginning not to recognize the boy I had known. You grew so much this year emotionally and physically. Having gone through this with you I am remembering my own childhood at this age when you are beginning to not want to be a kid, yet you are still not ready to begin being grown-up. It is definitely the transition from your childhood into teen adolescence, and it is hard.
This last year you had trouble in school and we struggled to understand what was going on. We went to a couple of doctors and you were finally diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. At the time I was relieved to figure out the source of the problem, but disheartened to learn that you had to deal with this. I educated both of us on the subject so that we could handle this with the least amount of stress as possible. I have learned a great many things about you this year and I will say this: Your A.D.D. is NOT who you are. It is what you have. Challenge? YES! Dirorder? NO! If anything, I have seen you handle this with a sense of humor and self-deprication. You have had your moments of pity, but I did not allow you to wallow in it because I won't let this be an excuse for not doing or getting anything you want in this world. I'm sorry if you thought I was mean. I was only trying to be strong in your moments of weakness.
Throughout this whole thing I have learned that you cannot be rushed into anything for it will only make you plant your feet firmly into the ground. Only when you are ready will the changes be made. I have learned to guide you rather than push you, and it has made a tremendous difference. I get it now. I get YOU now. In your Own Time. You will get there on your own timetable and not by anybody else's. And that's ok. It's ok baby. From birth you have had your own timetable and no one but you can change that. I dig that. In a world where everyone is rushing around trying to get to the destination, you are enjoying the journey. I admire that so much. You inspire me to slow down and take it all in. There is a great big world out there to get to know, and you will. You will.


This year has also been a time for more in-depth questions about why your dad and I are no longer together. I can only tell you I am sorry. I can only explain things in ways you'll understand, but someday you will know that not everything goes the way you plan. People are complicated and lives get messy, but it does not mean for a second that you weren't wanted wholly by us. I am sorry we couldn't make it work, but we made YOU work. Your dad and I are the best of friends and everything we do is based on love for you.I know right now you are hyper-sensitive to the slightest raised voice between us or the hint of any animosity. We may disagree from time to time, but we will never, ever hate each other. Our love for you and respect for each other prohibits that. You will always be the best part of us.

Colininsky, even though this year was a hard one,it was filled with important revelations. Revelations that you are super smart and very witty. Your observations of things and your witty remarks show me a very developed intellect and a sharp, sarcastic sense of humor. I'm sorry about the sarcasm part. That was all me. Sarcasm is something that can get you in a lot of trouble if you don't learn to use it properly. Most people learn their lessons the hard way. You won't be any different. You caught on fast though and have made me laugh out loud at your sly jokes and your amusing takes on life. You are also learning to laugh at YOURSELF,which if anything, has been the hardest thing for you to get. I promise you though baby that it will get you through the hard times. I guarantee that having a sense of humor about yourself will be a huge advantage in your life. I have seen the glimpses of understanding in that department. Believe me baby, you will need it in this life.

The thing I am most proud of, however, is your capacity for love and compassion for people and animals. You love so hard it hurts. You can't even watch that ASPCA commercial with the In the Arms of The Angels song without crying and wanting to send every last allowance dollar you have. Your empathy for those who are hurting and in need is so wonderful. You are amazing and the world could use more people like you. I truly believe you will be a voice for those who don't have one. Your current life goal is to be a Veterinarian so you can help sick, injured and/or neglected animals. I know you would be wonderful at it.

Colin, we have many more years ahead of us before you become an adult and are ready to leave. You have already expressed an interest for your childhood to be over, but please don't be in a rush. You have your whole life to be an adult. Enjoy this short time in your life. I promise to make your childhood the best it can be. You have so many gifts to give to this world, but give it time. When it is finally time to grow up I have no doubts that you will, on your timetable, on your terms. You are my child. My love. My heart. My baby. Happy Birthday Son! I wish you many more wonderful decades. I love you always.

Love, Mom

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6 Comments


Happy Birthday Colin! Double digits! WOOHOO!!!!

Felicia, this was a beautiful tribute to your son. That part about you and his dad being the best of friends? That really hit home for me. I think that is the best gift a single parent can give to their child. I hope I am saying the same thing when my son turns ten (so far, LMD and I are better friends than we were partners).


So sweet! And, again, something that should be published, it's so good.


Happy Birthday Colin!

You have yourself a cute kid Felicia. Job well done mama *hugs*


happy birthday, colin!!


What a gorgeous tribute! And Colin, your mom is SO right about the sense of humor thing.


WOW. Wonderful post. Simply wonderful. Sorry I'm so far behind that I didn't read it until now.

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