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Absurdities: Part Deux

Posted by Felicia on 11:07 AM
You may remember a post I did on some of the crazy things that go on in this office. We see and hear our fair share of weird things. I talked about one such man who informed us that he called the WHITE HOUSE about his stimulus check. Shaw right. Well, he's back and better than ever!

Every day he comes in our office to pilfer through our basket of candy, and each day he says as he stuffs a handful of candy in his pocket, " I'm not gonna be greedy now. Y'all are savin' mah life!" Indeed. He walks up and down our sidewalk visiting each business daily making various empty promises to each one. He's like Wimpy from Popeye. I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today! Back when I first started here he would ask me to make a couple of copies for him and while doing so I would make note of the material. There was stuff like lawsuits he was filing on behalf of the NAACP for a trillion dollars(yes, a trillion) against parties who damaged him emotionally through racial stereotypes and various other crimes against the color of his skin.

The thing is he appears to have a place to sleep at night and has access to clean clothes and showers because he always appears clean and smells good enough if you like your men cloaked in cheap after shave. He's not just some crazy homeless man. He is just some crazy regular person whose only job appears to be that of a mooch.

Even our work neighbors have been privy to his "crazy" when he asked them to mail an envelope that read: To: The President of the United States of America
George W. Bush
(White House)
Only to be opened by the commander-in-chief himself
or Condoleeza Rice- Secretary of State
***Re: Muslim Sleeper cells in Alabama- Highly sensitive information***

I shit you not! On the fucking envelope!

They made a copy. It's all kinds of nuts.

He came in last week and we were out of candy. This apparently caused some grief because he stood there looking at me as if I could just produce some out of thin air.
Him: Y'all out of candy??"
Me: It's been going fast lately.
Him: Well...hmmm... I'm going to buy some and replace it.
Me: That's ok. Don't worry about it.
Him: Hey I wanted to tell you something. I'm a write in candidate for president of the United States. *pulls out folded, faded paper with a notary mark* See here? I'm a write in candidate and I sure could use your support on election day.
Me: Wow. President huh?
Him: Yeah. But I been getting death threats through my walls and seeing as how I haven't had any secret service escorts yet I'm gonna be needing to fly to Washington D.C. to get it all straightened out.
Me: Of course. You can't be threatened like that. Your presidency would be at stake.
Him: That's right. So I'll be going there soon. But I'll bring you some candy before that.
Me: Looking forward to it.

I wish I was making this up. lol Then the following day he came in and passed out his business cards. I had to scan it and post it because no one would believe the genius of insanity that this card is made of. It makes no sense at all.

Exhibit A:





Please tell me you see what I see. A very light image of the PRESIDENTIAL SEAL. oh ahahahahahahahahahaha....omg...hahahahaha I can't breathe now.

He came in today and brought a bag of peppermints and dumped them in our candy basket. "I'm not going to be greedy now" he says as he takes a handful of the candy he just brought. He's going to make an excellent politician.

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5 Comments


Why Felicia! I do believe that is the firs time I've seen you use the "F" word. My lands! hehehe.

Something tells me this guy is a social experiment.

He would freak me out.


LMAO Oh my gosh, I hope you didn't eat any of his crazy candy!


I am cracking up!! That is a serious level of "the crazy"


The presidential seal is nothing compared to the utter gibberish and garbage printed on that card. Wow!

Certifiable!


Okay, he really is a fucking wack job! For real.

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