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Against the Wind

Posted by Felicia on 12:04 PM
I am on edge today. Really f*&%ing, twisting my hair, wanna run til my lungs give out, edgy. The kind of edgy where you don't know if you should have a really good cry or go off on the next person who royally pisses you off. At this point it might be both. I know this feeling won't last forever. I want to think positively and believe that things will only get better. I am a positive person by nature, but every girl has her off day.
I woke up with a feeling that things weren't quite right and at 8:35AM I found myself still stuck in traffic on a road I hardly ever go down on a day that had me thinking about taking different roads. Was this some sort of cosmic fortelling of my day? Perhaps. Or maybe it was just adding to my already rooting feeling of impending doom for the day. I got to work 20 min. late and tried to shake off the feeling of ickiness that threatened to ruin my day.
Then when I think things couldn't get worse. Things won't print, customers whine and won't listen. Boss who hovers like a police helicopter in pursuit of a criminal. Computer jams up...starting over. That knot in the pit of your stomach that threatens to send the contents of your meager breakfast upwards. The realization that as a person on the clock, cutting out early means 5 hrs less on your paycheck. Ugh.
I know...I know. Pour me a nice big cup of Shut the Hell Up. But, hey, we all have our days like this, right?
I am reminded of a day when I was about 12 and my world felt like it was crashing down. Things were tumultuous and changing, and I was feeling out of control. I had P.E. 2nd period with our Nazi-like gym teachers whose idea of fun was to make you run a cross-country. I hated running. I dreaded it every day and knowing it was mandatory only added to my anxiety. I was always in the back of my group. But that day was different. We had to run a figure eight around the school. I started out at my usual pace and watched the other kids pass me by. That knot in my stomach got bigger and to ease it I ran harder. I ran even harder and ended up near the front of my class. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like exploding. When I finally reached the end, I burst into tears and walked away. I felt better and worse. Relieved, but hurting.
Today is like that. I either need to run harder or I need a really big fucking hug.

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8 Comments


*cyber HUGS!*

You know what you need? A trip to Auburn! THAT would so do the trick! ;) You, me, $1 pitchers...

Seriously though, I know what you mean about the rough days. I had one last week, and they're so tough. I love you, and I hope tomorrow is better!


Awww Felicia, this is how I felt the last two weeks while everyone was patting me on the back for sticking up for myself. The truth was that I was just really fucking crabby.

This will pass, but it sucks being in the midst of it. You know you are crabby and you hate it, but you can't do anything about it and that makes you even crabbier.


Oh Felicia, I am sorry! Tomorrow will be better, but that doesn't help today. :(

Have a good cry. Then a nap. That usually helps me.

*hugs*


Oh, I'm sorry you're having a crappy day. We all have them. And it will end. Just stick it through, go home, pour yourself a glass of wine and go to sleep early. Tomorrow is a new day!

Hugs to you.


Big hug to you - hope tomorrow is much better. :-)


Yep, those days suck!

(((hugs)))


It is soo true that when it rains, it pours. Sorry for your crappy day... hopefully today is better.


I hope you are feeling better today. Hugs.

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